


let's live a little longer

by Moonlightrm



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:08:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28866024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlightrm/pseuds/Moonlightrm
Summary: "you know, not all heroes wear capes," Park Jongseong starts his speech. "some of them hold a free hug sign, wandering on the streets, asking if you're okay," he added.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo & Park Sunghoon, Park Jongseong | Jay & Yang Jungwon
Comments: 19
Kudos: 109





	let's live a little longer

**Author's Note:**

> author's way of coping up :D m really proud of this work, for some reason??? I hope you like it :(   
> read at your own risk

The students of SNU are all gathered in the school gym; they chatter as they wait for the guest speaker for their "anti-suicide" program this afternoon. A little over five minutes later, he came in, wearing some long blue sleeves with stripes on its side and some black trousers, topping all of it with specs as he carries his books by his side. Everybody thought he is some student studying fashion, not until he came in the middle of the stage, slightly smashing his heavy books on the small standee, making sure he garners everyone's attention. 

"I'm sorry, that came off a little  _ too _ intimidating.", he chuckles as he looks around, smiling at every one of the students. 

Does he release a sigh of relief? Of frustration? No one knows. It was just a sigh.

"My name is Park Jongseong; let me tell you a little story."

"you know, not all heroes wear capes," Park Jongseong starts his speech. "some of them hold a free hug sign, wandering on the streets, asking if you're okay," he added.

A nostalgic feeling came rushing towards him as he reminisced  _ that  _ day when he met the love of his life. His heart starts to ache as up until this day; Park Jongseong still longed for him.  _ Him.  _ He smiles, remembering the beautiful  _ him.  _ The selfless, the kindest...  _ him.  _

________________

It was midnight; it was dark, and all he wanted was for the pain to stop. For all of it to go away. There was a bridge, and he was alone in these gawky streets...or so Park Jongseong thought.

He already sent a message to his friends and already sent a letter to his family; all he needed to do was jump. One step. Just one step away from ending it all, only one step. Jongseong gathered all the mustered up courage he has and just as he was about to jump; just as he was about to have the peace he was longing for, a voice came from behind. 

"hi," Jongseong heard and turned his head towards the voice, and there stands a man maybe around his age. The man didn't look at him with pity eyes, no. He looked at Jongseong with a genuine smile. Jongseong looked at him from head to toe, and he noticed that the man was holding a "free hugs" sign. Jongseong looked at him, confused. The man spoke again.

"hugs?" he said as he opens his arms, ready to embrace him, and Jongseong unexpectedly accepted the offer. Jongseong hugged a stranger, and it was something Jongseong didn't know he needed. 

Now he and this stranger are silently sitting on a bench—the silent atmosphere, broken by a ringing sound coming from the man's bag. The man looked at his phone and looked at Jongseong. He bit his lip.

"Hey, listen. I have to go. I don't want to leave you, but I have to go. Don't do it, please. You are loved and worthy, and I don't know what you are going through w=but things will get better. No one knows when, but it will. Trust me. Okay?" The man spoke with hurriedness in his voice; for some reason, Jongseong nodded. The man smiled and ran away.

_ Did a stranger just save my life?  _ He thought to himself.

______________

Jongseong went home; his mom's worried face welcomed him. She pulled him into a tight hug and cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, son. I didn't know you were going through this." She said in between sobs. Jongseong was holding back his tears, replacing it with a light and slightly sad chuckle. 

"It's all right, mom. I promise I won't do such a thing. I won't leave you. I can't leave you." He said. He realized that if the man didn't convince him not to jump, he would have left his mother all alone in this giant mansion.

_______________

Jongseong is in his room, staring at a contact number on his phone.  _ Yang Jungwon.  _ He reads the name over and over again, contemplating on whether to call him or not.

_ Jongseong was about to go home. He was walking on the streets thinking about how a stranger saved his life; when he felt someone grabbing his arm. Jongseong's prominent reflex was to punch, but as he saw the face of the man holding him, his arm stopped mid-air.  _

_ "Oh, hey, it's you again," Jongseong said, confused as to why the man ran after him.  _

_ "I almost forgot," the man starts, reaching for a piece of paper in his pocket and giving it to Park Jongseong. He raises his brow as he slowly accepts the paper handed to him.  _

_ "I'm Jungwon. Yang Jungwon. That's my number, and please call me whenever you need me. I promise I'll answer. No matter what time it is, I'll answer." Jungwon said before running away as fast as he can, leaving Jongseong lost for words. _

Jongseong sighed as he puts away his phone.  _ I might be a bother to him—he _ thoughts.

Yet here Park Jongseong is, dialing the said contact. In the first ring, his heart started to race. On the second ring, Jongseong contemplates whether to end it or not, but on the third ring, Jungwon picks up.

_______________

" _ uhh--hi? _ " Jongseong hears at the other end of the line. He swallows a lump on his throat before speaking, yet he still manages to stutter.

"J-Jungwon?" he spat out, cursing himself briefly.  _ Jesus Christ, Park Jongseong. Stop embarrassing yourself, god fucking damn it.  _

"S _ orry, who's this? Your voice is familiar-"  _ Jongseong speaking. You see, he really isn't the patient type. 

"It's the guy whom you saved from uh-- you know what earlier. You gave me your number and-- I wanted to call you and say... thank..you." The last words almost came out as a murmur, Jongseong was embarrassed, and Jungwon somehow found it...cute. 

Jongseong heard a low and quiet chuckle at the end of the other line and was confused as to why Jungwon found his embarrassing moment amusing. Jongseong raised his brow as if the other could see him.

_ "Anyway, we haven't properly introduced ourselves yet, have we?" _ Jongseong stays quiet, a sign for the younger to continue. 

_ "My name is Yang Jungwon. I'm 16, and I give free hugs?"  _ Jungwon says. "How about you? I didn't get to ask your name earlier, sorry about that," Jungwon added as he chuckled once more.

"I'm Park Jongseong, 18, and people call me Jay." He said, silencing himself after. 

________________

As Jungwon chuckled, Jongseong did so too, and Jongseong was seldom seen with a genuine smile. He rarely chuckled, either. 

Keyword; was. Until Yang Jungwon came.

"You're a very happy person, aren't you?" Jongseong started a different topic again. "I'm envious." He added. He can hear Jungwon's scoff at the other end of the line.

"what?" Jongseong asked, genuinely confused.

_ "Oh, please. You were literally laughing along with me," _ Jungwon stated as a matter of fact.

_ Oh yeah.  _ Jongseong thought to himself, not even realizing that he was smiling like an idiot.

______________

The two talked, and both didn't even realize that it was already 12 in the morning.

_ "oh my god, it's already 12 am?! Shit, I have classes tomorrow _ " Jay sensed panic in Jungwon's tone. 

_ "Hey, Jay?" _ Jungwon called, to which the older responded with a hum.

_ "I need to sleep; let's talk again sometime, yeah?" _ Jongseong heard again. He smiles to himself.

"Yeah, sure, Jungwonie. Thank you for today. I really mean it. Thank you for saving me from myself." Jay said with a little more courage this time. 

And Jungwon releases a relieved sigh.  _ "I wasn't the one who saved you, Jay hyung. All I did was hug you, but you were the one who chose not to jump. So you saved yourself, not me, okay?"  _ Jungwon explained as Jay kept smiling to himself. 

_ Yeah, I guess I did.  _ Jongseong thought.

"Good night Jungwon-ah."

_ "Good night Jay hyungie~." _

And they finally ended the call. 

_ Maybe he's the comfort I've always longed for. Maybe. Just Maybe.  _ Jongseong thought before he shut his eyes as he drifts off to sleep.

_______________

The next day at school, Jay was greeted by Jake, Sunghoon, and Ni-ki gathering around him.

"Oh my fucking god Jay, I cried my eyes out last night; we were so worried about you. You didn't answer our calls nor text, and we've read your messages. God fucking damn it Park Jongseong." Jake ranted, rushing to hug him; his eyes were red and puffy, and so are the others; he assumed that they weren't lying when they said they really cried last night. Jongseong never felt so guilty before.

He looks at Ni-ki, the youngest looks at him with hurt and pity in his eyes. Jongseong looked away; he hates being pitied. He hates it the most.

He looks at Sunghoon; his best friend was looking at him with anger in his eyes. Pissed, Sunghoon starts to scold him.

"Park fucking Jongseong, I swear to fucking god if you do that again-"

"hoon-" Jake tried to calm his best friend down, but Sunghoon refuses to do so.

"Sunoo.  _ My _ boyfriend,  _ your _ cousin, almost fainted due to shock." Sunghoon prevented himself from raising his voice.

"wha-" Jay was cut off by Sunghoon speaking again. 

"If you die... I'll kill you." His best friend stated. There was a glint of both sadness and anger in Sunghoon's tone, but Jay smiles,  _ at least this is better than Hoon pitying me.  _ Jongseong said to himself. Besides, he knows that this is probably the way his best friend projects his affection.

A short while later, came running his cousin, Sunoo. The boy pulled him into a tight hug, teary in the process. 

"Are you okay, hyung? Are you hurt? What happened, hyung-" He was stopped by Jay ruffling his hair; Sunoo had always been the worrisome guy in their group.

"I'm okay, fortunately," Jay said, and Sunghoon glared at him as he pulls his boyfriend, seeking the comfort only Sunoo can give.

________________

Jongseong had his head hung low ever since he walked to class. He couldn't stop thinking about Jungwon. Jungwon's voice, so comforting. Is it possible to like someone whom you just met 11 hours ago?

He was not paying attention to his teacher; therefore, not noticing the new student.

"Hi guys, I'm Jungwon" Jongseong faintly heard an all too familiar voice. Jungwon? He looks up to see an angel. Jongseong blinked a few times, making sure that he wasn't at all seeing things. Their eyes met, and both were shocked but delighted to see each other in this unexpected situation. Small world, eh?

"Can somebody here take Jungwon on tour around-" when Jongseong heard his professor, he did not hesitate to stand up and volunteer. His classmates looked at him, probably weirded out. Especially his friends and cousin, because Jongseong never really cared about anyone other than himself and them. 

So why would he,  _ the  _ Park Jongseong, would take a transferee student around their university? Knowing Park Jongseong, he would probably turn down any offers that would make him stand up from his seat or would tire him out. 

_ Until Yang Jungwon came. _

_________________

"I never expected to see  _ you _ here, Jungwonie," Jay said as they walk towards the cafeteria, and Jungwon, once again, chuckled. He looks around and saw some students staring at them with either shock or confusion written on their faces. 

It was all peculiar and very new to Jungwon, but he didn't mind, no. Jungwon didn't mind at all. Because for some bizarre reasons, 

_ Jungwon feels...safe. _

"Is it normal for you guys to stare?" Jungwon asked with a hint of sarcasm in his tone. It was Jongseong's turn to chuckle,

"Don't mind them." He said with a small, soft smile.

_________________

Eventually, Jay and Jungwon got closer. To the point that the two were inseparable. They would go on spontaneous trips! Some es alone, sometimes with their friends and Jungwon's brother, Heeseung. During those times, Jay felt the most alive. 

Everything changed when Yang Jungwon came. Jay would be livelier, happier, and it was all that his friends and mom could ask for.

But sometimes, the siblings would cancel; due to their parents calling them or when they would have to go on family reunions. During those times, Jay was the saddest. He would sulk all day and get all moody like a little child who didn't get the new toy he wanted.

___________________

"Whenever I wanted to give up, he would tell me, "let's live a little longer, shall we?" Jongseong said, all smiley. The majority of the people in the gymnasium could feel how happy he was, talking about Jungwon.

The students were in awe as Park Jongseong continues his story. Some were squealing, even, and Jongseong would chuckle at them.

"do you want to hear how we got together?" Jongseong asked, and the students responded by cheering him on. Jeongseong tittered and nodded.

"Heeseungie hyung is going to kill me," he said with a small laugh as he looks at Jungwon's brother, who now has his arms crossed. 

"Anyway..."

___________________

It has been 5 months since the two met, and as time goes by, Jongseong's fondness of Jungwon grew. His small crush turned into love. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with the one who stays by your side whenever you need them to? Who wouldn't fall in love with the purest soul a person could ever meet? Perhaps others won't. But Jongseong certainly would.

Besides, it's Jungwon. It's  _ Jungwon.  _

_ __________________ _

One night, Jungwon and Jay were in the older's room watching some Disney movie Jungwon picked out earlier. Jongseong wasn't really into Disney movies or movies in general, but what can a whipped man do?

Jay stared at the younger for...quite a while, one might think. 

"Jay hyung-ah, let's-" Jungwon turned his head only to see the older staring at him with fondness. He blinks a few times; Jay notices how Jungwon's long lashes brushed his cheeks and how his eyes would sparkle whenever they meet his.

"Is there something wrong?" The younger asked, but Jongseong could only stare. Stare at his stunning face, down to Jungwon's attractive, pink, plumped lips. Jungwon stares back, his hand reached for the older's face as he slowly leans in, planting a soft kiss on Jongseong's lips. 

Jungwon inches back, and just as he realized what he did, his face reddened as he widened his eyes. Jongseong was stiff; he wasn't even blinking for fuck's sake because WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

Jongseong was still processing everything that had happened when Jungwon stood up with a tensed body. 

"I- should probably--go." Jungwon bids before hurriedly getting his things. 

But Jay didn't want him to leave,  _ no, no, no! Stay!  _ He tried to shout, but no words left his mouth. So he instead grabbed Jungwon's arm, flailing the younger closer to him. As Jungwon landed on his lapped, Jongseong closed the distance on their lips. His hands were on Jungwon's waist, and the younger's arms were wrapped around his shoulder. The moment was just so fucking  _ perfect. _

So perfect.  _ Too _ perfect that Jongseong was afraid of what's gonna happen next. 

________________

Once again, the students squealed and cheered. They were all giddy because of the story their guest told them.

"So yes, Jungwonie made the first move. Not me" The students' shocked, high pitched gasps and "ooh's" aren't exactly subtle.

"COWARD," Jongseong heard and looked over the crowd searching for who said that, and saw his friends laughing over him while Heeseung was glaring.  _ I am so dead.  _ He thought.

"shut up, Hoon!" He said while the students laugh. Jongseong saw Sunoo pinch his boyfriend's arm to quiet him down, to which Sunghoon responds by pinching his cheeks. 

He sighed and moved his eyes over the crowd.

"So you see, there will always be one person that will help you through it all. There will always be that one person who'll understand you. That one person who'll make everything better." Jongseong stops for a while. Then he continues.

"Maybe you found yours, may it be a friend or a partner. Maybe you haven't, but keep looking. Because whoever they are, they're there, waiting for you as you wait for them.

You will never know when they'll come because Jungwonie came at my lowest."

"So keep waiting, keep searching, and you'll find them. Because I found mine..." A sad smile creeps on Jongseong's face.

A student raised her hand, and everybody turned their heads towards her direction. 

"If you find him already, then why are you sad, Mr. Park?"

She said, and Jongseong could only smile at her. It was a sad smile, Jongseong had already expected this question, and he was prepared for it; but standing there in the middle of the stage, having everybody's eyes upon him, he doesn't know how to deal with it. Jongseong answered it, nonetheless. 

He first looked at his friends, waiting for them to tell him not to answer, but they never did. Heeseung nodded instead while Riki, Sunoo, Sunghoon, and Jake gave him a reassuring look.

Jongseong heaves a deep sigh before looking at the student who asked, "because he's gone to a place, a very far away place that I can't find, nor reach."

_________________

Jongseong was playing some video games in his room when his phone rang; he looks over it _. Sunoo's calling.  _

He immediately picks it up, knowing that it's something urgent for his cousin never calls until it's an emergency.

"Hello-" he was cut off by a shaky, terrified, panicked voice, coming from the other line.

_ "HYUNG, YOU HAVE TO COME HERE! I'LL SEND YOU THE FUCKING LOCATION, COME HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE"  _

"what, are you okay? Jongseing said, panicking as he hurriedly puts on his shoes and coat.

_ "IT'S JUNGWON"  _

As soon as Sunoo said the name, his heart almost stopped beating. 

"what the fuck is happening, Sunoo?" He said in a tone that was so calm, it was scary.

_ "HE FUCKING NEEDS YOU, HYUNG. JUST FUCKING COME, FAST." _

Sunoo said and hung up.  _ FUCK _

_ _________________ _

Jay arrived at the said location after driving at a fast pace. (Even past the speed limit) It was a hospital.  _ Their  _ hospital, in fact. Jongseong's knees weakened, and he didn't want to go in, but his legs and feet seemed to have a mind of his own.

As he reached the counter, he almost banged his hand on the table.

"Yang Jungwon." He said, rushing.

"Sir, I'm sorry I can't tell you that. Are you, in any way, related to the pa-" Jongseong slammed his fist onto the counter; the lady was obviously startled; but at this point, Jongseong doesn't give a fuck about anybody anymore.

"fucking tell me, or I'll get you fired." He said, voice intimidating that it made the lady feel small.

"r-room 206." Jongseong left with a hurried pace, quickly finding the room where his boyfriend was in.

As Jongseong arrives at the said room, he opens the door, and there he found Sunoo crying onto Sunghoon, Heeseung almost fainting, Jake and Riki fighting their tears, and Jungwon,

Jungwon was lying on the bed, looking so vulnerable, fragile, and weak. Nothing like the Jungwon he knew. But there was one thing that didn't change.

Jungwon was still smiling at him. Heeseung looked at the others, signaling all of them to go outside and leave the lovers alone.

As Jongseong heard the click behind him, a sign that the door was locked, his weakened body moved towards Jungwon. His cold hands held the younger's as his tears started to fall.

"Won-ah" was all Jongseong managed to say before he hitched a sob; it made Jungwon's heart shatter into pieces. The sickened boy reached for his face, wiping away Jongseong's tears.

"Hyungie, please don't cry. Don't cry, okay?" Jungwon said in a tiny voice that was barely whispered. 

"Jungwon-ah, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything, I didn't know, I'm sorry," he said in a soft, low voice, remembering the exact words his cousin told him over the phone on his way here.

Turns out that all the cancellations they made were because of the times that Jungwin could barely get up. All the family reunions, the gatherings were all excuses to cover up Jungwon's sickness. 

Jungwon could only smile weakly. "Hyung, don't be sorry. Those times with you were the times I felt more alive than any moment in my life."

"Why, love? Why didn't you tell me?" Jongseong cries.

"I didn't want to add up to your problems, hyung. Besides, I don't want to get treated anymore. I just wanna live the few months of my life with the people I love." He said.

"Please, don't say that." Jongseong pleaded, but Jungwon could only sigh. He wishes he was lying right now, but no. They needed to face reality.

"I'm a curse," Jay starts. "Maybe this wouldn't have happened with you if you hadn't met me." He added. 

Jungwon scoffs. "I would spend an hour with you, over a lifetime with anybody else."

They stared at each other for way too long. Jungwon started to cough violently; he lay his head down on Jongseong, seated beside him.

"Hyung," Jungwon called, and Jay responded with a low pitched hum. "I'm tired." The younger whispered. 

Jongseong's body stiffened; he knew what was gonna happen next; he fought back the tears that were begging to fall.

"It's okay, you can go." The older said as his voice cracks. 

_ No, please don't go, don't leave me.  _

_ " _ Then what about you? What about  _ all  _ of you?"

Jongseong smiled at him and held his hands tightly. _ He's already so weak, yet he still worries about us. _

"Don't worry about us, love."

Jungwon nodded 

"I love you so much." He said as he slowly closes his eyes; the life on his body slowly fades away. His grip on Jongseong's hands loosens as he takes his last breath.

Jongseong, who finally let go of the tears he's been holding, wails and mourns. The others rushed towards the room after hearing the cries of Jongseong. Their tears overflew as they saw Jungwon's lifeless body lying on the hospital bed.

"Time of death, 10:09 pm."

______________

Now, Jongseong was back on the bridge, the first place he met Jungwon, hoping and praying to God that Jungwon would come and hugged him again. 

But Jungwon never came, and Jongseong's life felt like it had no purpose again. But as Jongseong was just about to jump  _ again,  _ the wind blew, and the cold breeze brushed his face. He then remembers what Jungwon always tells him.

_ "Let's live a little longer, shall we?" _

Jongseong giggles, "okay, my love. I'll live a little longer."

________________

After hearing the last part of Jongseong's story, most were fighting their tears. The gymnasium quietens.

"I remembered how I didn't come to his burial because I believed that the last memories and moments I had spent with him were made at the hospital.

Jungwon desired to live a little longer; I wanted to end my life. How ironic, isn't it? He told me my life has a purpose; as I stand here, I finally knew what he meant." Jongseong smiled again, making the students do so too.

"I was suicidal, but here I am, standing before you as a guest speaker for an anti-suicide program--sharing my,  _ our,  _ story with you as we help you create your own story." 

The students look at him with endearment and respect in their eyes; no one was no longer pitying him.

"Now, what I want you to do was hug the ones beside you because you never know when one needs it."

As the students were hugging each other, he signs off.

"This was Park Jongseong. Let us all live a little longer, shall we?" He said and walked off the stage. The students cheered and clapped their hands. Some sobbed, some saluted, some whistled, and everybody--

_ Respected. _

**Author's Note:**

> did you like it? did you cry? iuhyghjkljdhg *hugs* leave comments maybe???


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